When Discussing Trauma Was “Taboo”
Today, the term trauma is ubiquitous—from tv, social media to podcasts. However, not long ago, it was a different story. In the 1980s and 1990s, and even into the early 2000s, it was not socially acceptable to identify oneself as a survivor of childhood trauma.
I recall being the outlier who openly shared my experiences of childhood abuse. I confided in close friends—and occasionally even in near-strangers, often blurting it out unintentionally. Looking back, I realize I sought two things: validation and understanding—hoping others would refrain from judging me or placing unrealistic expectations on me.
Why Family Often Isn’t a Safe Space for Honesty
If you noticed that I didn’t include family among my trusted confidants, it’s intentional. Most survivors of childhood relational trauma understand all too well—family is frequently the last place where we can safely express the truth.
By the age of nineteen, I was already aware that I was a trauma survivor. I felt terrified, frantic, and ashamed, perpetually comparing myself to friends who appeared “normal.” My compulsions—what I now recognize as compulsive or addictive coping mechanisms—ranged from over-studying, dance to eventually developing a ‘fantasy’ then ‘love addiction’ problem.
I couldn’t bear solitude. Even a single day without a romantic partner left me feeling nauseous, restless and panicked. No therapist or psychiatrist at the time recognized my compulsive search for a romantic partner as a trauma response, so I resorted to the antidepressants available at the time—tricyclics —just to cope.
From Survivor to Psychologist
Fast-forward to today: I’m a licensed psychologist and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) through IITAP. Over the last thirty years, I’ve worked with hundreds of clients who grew up in neglectful, chaotic, or abusive environments. Their symptoms may vary, but the underlying narrative remains remarkably consistent.
When the Autonomic Nervous System Is “Conditioned” by Trauma
Each of my client’s Autonomic Nervous Systems (ANS) were formed—or hijacked—during a childhood with some to a lot of family dysfunction. When the ANS is trapped in fight, flight, or freeze, daily life becomes challenging.
Focusing on work, family, or relationships is difficult when your body perceives itself to be in danger or feels “numb or dead’. Eventually, individuals instinctively reach for something—be it a substance or behavior—to manage that dysregulated system.
This could involve:
-
Substances like alcohol or drugs
-
Activities such as sex, romance, fantasy, workaholism, excessive exercise, binge eating, or online shopping and gaming
Clinicians may debate whether these behaviors are “addictions” or “compulsions.” From my personal and professional viewpoint, the label is less important than recognizing that early trauma sets or rewires the nervous system—and without proper intervention, it is more than likely to remain that way.
Before You Address Trauma, You Must Stabilize the System
Engaging in trauma work cannot commence amidst chaos. Before delving into deep emotional pain, the primary objective must be stabilization—achieving sobriety, abstinence, or behavioral equilibrium.
Depending on the complexity of the trauma and the duration of addictive behaviors, this stabilization phase may extend for 30–90 days. As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, I’ve never encountered a client who ceased compulsive sexual behavior and was immediately prepared for trauma work. The nervous system must be grounded before it can undergo healing.
It’s Never Too Late to Heal
If you see yourself in this narrative—if your body feels “stuck” in overdrive or numbness—you are not broken. You’re human. Your body adapted to survive what it endured.
Healing begins when you learn to gently re-regulate your nervous system and recognize your behaviors as survival strategies rather than moral failings.
Dr. Lara Dye, Ph.D. — Psychologist in Carlsbad, CA
Dr. Lara Dye is a licensed psychologist and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) who specializes in treating compulsive sexual behaviors, relational trauma, and the enduring effects of childhood neglect or abuse.
If you’d like to learn more or arrange a confidential consultation with Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, visit drlaradye.com/contact or call her Carlsbad, CA office at 619-215-1956.