In recent years, the word "trauma" has been over-used and thus the term "childhood trauma" can be confusing. Folks experiencing compulsive sex and love behaviors are more likely than others to have experienced early attachment wounds with primary caregivers in their childhoods. What this means is that infants, toddlers and young children, are literally perfectly made to bond well with their parents (or caregivers). Their neurobiological environment, except in rare circumstances, might be described to be like a sponge which craves to 'soak up' bonding and nurturing activities with their caregivers. At early ages, this will look like a lot of touch, hugs, and physical reassurance. As the child ages, they may not need as much of the physical closeness of the parent, but are very sensitive to their parents' emotional availability and interest in the child. When a child jumps off a diving board and says (for the hundredth time "look dad"!) this is a perfect example of the child's incredibly strong need to be seen, be important and liked by the parents. Between ages 0 - 6 or 7 years-old, the neurons of attachment in the brain are especially wired to seek out, respond and flourish when their parents (or stable caregivers) are consistent, caring and protective.

Rather than listing all the ways a child might be "abused" or who experience "trauma", one way to sum up this irreducible need of the child to be important to, cared about and protected is that a child MAY experience trauma by acts or events of commission (harsh physical discipline) or even omission (neglect, disinterest in the child). While children are generally quite resilient and there is no such thing as a perfect childhood, a child's closest relationships, especially with their primary caregivers, the over-all tone of the parental/child relationship must be "good enough". When children feel high or chronic levels of fear, feel uncared for, or disliked, their autonomic nervous system will likely go into "fight, flight or freeze" or the child may dissociate as the child cannot stay present with the experience of not mattering to the parent. It's not true that each and every events of imperfect parenting causes damage to the child's social-emotional development, but if during the child's early years he or she feels unprotected, uncared about, unimportant, or disliked, then they are much more likely to struggle with trust and intimacy in later relationships, especially romantic/partner relationships. The pain of these unmet dependency needs of childhood are more likely to cause later mental health issues and/or addiction issues. Contact Dr. Lara today!